(Anais via Cup of Jo)


Do you know how after you notice something for the *first* time, you start seeing/hearing it everywhere? Well that is what pregnancy and babies are like for me these days.


This weekend was particularly saturated.

Let's start with Saturday. My husband and I had traveled up to Boston for his brother's birthday party. I had breakfast with my former college roommate that I hadn't seen in seven years! It was great to catch up, but seeing as she was 8 months pregnant, it entailed a decent amount of baby talk. Well actually, lots of baby talk.

Then at the party, which was a small gathering of around 15 people, there was a 4 month old and a 16 month old. The were awfully cute, but they sure did a smashing job at sucking up what seemed like all the conversation and attention in the room.

Oh, did I mention that someone else shyly announced they were 8 weeks pregnant.


Somehow, the conversation turned to our family plans.

My retort, "I'd better open another beer, this thing seems contagious."

Oh, to live a lie.

Then is was Sunday. Mother's Day. We caught an early flight home. The weather was gorgeous. Called my mom. Had a lovely afternoon. I was fine. Then we started watching "The Business of Being Born."

It's a movie about maternity care and labor practices in the United States and basically argues that it is better for the mother and child, as well as society on the whole, if this country were to return to a more midwifery-focused, less hospital/medical intervention-laden process.

I find this to be a fascinating subject and was watching the film with the necessary emotional detachment. That is until a very eloquent midwife was saying something or other about how the entire experience, from pregnancy though labor is incredibly life-changing. something about the privilege of giving life to another being. something about the bond. seeing a new mother breastfeeding her infant for the first time, with tears rolling down her face from the powerfulness of the moment. then, the tears started rolling down my face.

I want that experience and am terrified it might not happen.

**Fortunately, I am not to the point where I begrudge other people their offspring. I truly hope that I never have to reach such a dark place. I'm just to the point where I would rather it be me making that shy announcement**


  1. sometimes its really hard-at my work they have a fertility chair and they joke that anyone who sits on it falls pregnant and it always seems to be the most unlikely people and I think how did this happen?it never worked for me I am pleased for them but always males me a little melancholy too. Your blog is lovely and has inspired me to start writing my own x

  2. I know! I know pregnancy and giving birth to your offspring are not the most important thing...but there seems to be something beautifully profound about it. And I, too, am terrified it might not happen.

  3. I always think that. Sometimes I think wehn i get scared that actually being scared is not helping either. It a catch 22 .