and so it goes

owen gildersleeve (via mint)

A few days can be enough time to let the light shine back through, even if it's only peeking in at this point.

Initially, I felt so foolish. Mostly because I allowed myself to be relieved.

Relieved that maybe this *infertility* business would be over, that we would never have to have another test, that there was nothing ever *wrong* with either of us, that I wouldn't be put in the difficult position of deciding whether to undergo treatment (something I am absolutely confused about), that we wouldn't have to endure all of the emotional ups and downs of an adoption, that our baby would be close in age with its cousins, that we would be parents.

Now I've had a small while to process that we are back at the very place I felt so relieved to leave.

But, I have to make room for hope between all of this anger and sadness.

Life goes on and we're going to make it a beautiful one.


  1. It sounds like you have a good attitude about the whole thing. Have you been TTC for awhile? I hope that's not too personal - if it is, you don't need to answer.

    I love the photos you include with each post. They're beautiful although that seems like an understatement.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. It's nice to "meet" you.

  2. Thanks for stopping by my blog too. I think you will find the support of other bloggers really helpful. There are so many wonderful people out there who are going through the same cycle of hope and despair. Know that you are not alone.

  3. I love the line, "I have to make room for hope between all of this anger and sadness." There is so much truth in that...and I think all of us in the infertile place are struggling to do that. Keep hoping...


  4. as always, beautiful post.

    thinking about you. xx