a fresh start

I have decided to move on to a new space on the internet. A fresh start if you will.

Plus, this blog title's incorrect grammar has always bothered me ;)

You can now find me posting a little bit of this and a little bit of that over at

Our Lovely Days.

Hope to see you there!

moving forwards and backwards all at the same time.

I did it.

I picked up the phone and made an appointment to see a fertility dr.

I wanted so very much to somehow avoid this emotional loop de loop, but that was not meant to be.

Almost as soon as Nora was born, lurking in the corner was the fact that we would someday be confronted with this issue again. My husband and I talked about trying almost immediately. But, I just could not. Could not take the chance that this time, nature would laugh right at me, and bless me immediately with what I wanted for so long.

When Nora turned one, my head was ready, but my heart was not. Each and every time it came down to it, I balked. I tend to think of myself as a pretty strong person, but, I was not ready to face another string of negatives. All the disappointment. The trying so very hard to keep your emotions in check, only to have your hopes inevitable rise. Sigh.

Finally, after a few more months passed, I realized that I really want another baby. Want him or her enough to go through whatever it is that awaits us this time around.

We gave it a while on our own. But, my belly is still empty.

I am hoping a new doctor will have new insights, new solutions, new hope.

And, so it begins. again.

Hello, again.

Long time, no chat, internet.

Well, that's not entirely true. You see, I did step away from long hours sitting at a desk, tethered to a computer, when I left my job. But, I found that in my new state of footloose and fancy freeness I needed a phone. So, I did the only sensible thing and got an iPhone. It's a handy little thing. And, what I love about it above all else is its camera. And instagram. It is good. So very good.

So, thanks to my phone, here's a peek of my little lady since June. She is quite something.



Oh, and we're trying to have another one.

It's not off to a great start.

New Endeavor

This year has been a year of change. Not just for my daughter or our family, but for me personally. I have struggled with my identity and my role. I have felt stretched in ways that left me feeling not altogether great. I was left with the choice of continuing to complain about the way things are or actually doing something about it.

Of course, this is much easier to say than to do. Change can be scary. And I was scared of this change.

But when it is the right change, you find the courage.

I have decided to leave my current job to start on a new adventure. I have been working towards this change for a while now. And I could not be more excited.

I am reposting my very first post on that website because it says much better there what I am trying to say here:

"Part of the magic of childhood is that anything is possible. You can dream dreams as high as the sky and there is nothing to stop you from reaching them. At least, that was my very fortunate experience. But like many dreamers, I have stayed safely tethered to the ground by some tugging of obligation and security to take a more conventional career path.

I like my chosen profession, I do. But, since the birth of my daughter, it has become very clear to me that I do not love it. Having a child has caused me to reevaluate a lot about my life and how I spend my time. I realized that I need to do what I love and not settle for something that is just okay. I have also discovered a real love of photography. Of capturing that quiet moment. That sweet smile. That perfectly imperfect thing that is life. It is both exciting and daunting to go about trying to live life on my own terms. Fortunately, I have heaps of encouragement and support from that same family that is inspiring me to make these changes."

So, if you have a spare moment, please come on over and take a peak.

www.meaghancurryphotography.com

Happy Birthday Baby!

Nora almost missed her party.

A bug bit her underneath her eye and it swelled.

and swelled and swelled.

It wasn't an allergic reaction, but rather an infection from the bite. We went to the doctor on Friday (the day that I was supposed to get everything done), but were back again on Saturday morning (sorry to the guests that arrived to no hosts). Fortunately, the antibiotics started working and we were saved from having to sing happy birthday in the e.r.

While her party might not have gone at all as I was picturing it in my head, it was the perfectly imperfect celebration of this little one.

Nora Is ONE!

I hope that you will forgive my absence. Perhaps posting a video will help make amends?

My baby is ONE this Sunday.

It was easily the most difficult and most incredible year of my life.

Time seemed to both creep and fly at the same time.

My heart burst open daily.

Baby girl, the light within me bows to the light within you.

Happy Birthday

If I'm Being Honest

I am generally an optimist.

I have an easy baby.

It was really difficult to conceive this easy baby.

I think these are some of the reasons why I choose to focus on the more delightful moments here on this blog. But, before I leave you thinking that motherhood is nothing but sunshine and giggles, let me share some of the *other side* of things. If I'm being honest:

Let's start nightmare that was my postpartum follow-up dr. appointment. Ironically, it had nothing to do with me or my third degree tear, but rather my seven week old hellion. When we arrived, she was napping in her car seat, so I thought that everything might work out. ha! N woke up a few minutes after going inside. The doctor was running late. I paced the waiting room with a crying baby for what seemed like forever, before finally asking for a place to go feed her. For the first time EVER, my little one wouldn't settle enough to eat. Well, actually she managed to eat just enough to throw up all over herself and my back. The doctor comes in, is kind enough to hold N while I awkwardly strip down. Babe's still screaming, the doctor's trying to ask me questions, I'm holding the hellion, sweating profusely from all of the stress. After the fastest exam ever, I am left with a hysterical baby and no pants. The doctor has fled the room and literally slipped a prescription for birth control under the door, no doubt in an attempt to preserve her ears from the the crying. crying. crying. I think that we left all of the ladies at in office reconsidering whether to have children. Cue a huge thunderstorm to soak mom and baby. FINALLY we get back home, but not before we have her first diaper blow out. in her car seat. of course. once we were beyond the moment, i had to laugh. otherwise, i might have cried. alright maybe i did cry. a little. The lesson learned on that afternoon was to always keep wine in the house.

Second, being back at work is not going that well. I know that it's early, but it is hard. Nora's been sick almost constantly since starting daycare. Then, the second week back, I found out that I'm going to be on a case that is basically going to *own* my life for the next six months. I think I was sort of living in denial about the work life balance and then reality set in. or crashed down. The hardest part was the first night that I didn't see my babe at all. And because of this case, I know there are going to be more days like that one. many. I basically turned into a puddle of tears when I got out of the car. I still have no balance. at all. sometimes I don't even have weekends.

Third, can I really blame my baby for being unable to remember ANYTHING anymore. It doesn't really feel fair, but . . . I've driven into work with her carseat, knowing that my husband needed it to take her to a doctors appointment. Without fail, EVERYDAY, I forget some piece of my pump. Be it a storage cap, a flange, the power cord. And just last week, after being on a conference call and making it through seven hours (yup, you read that right) and two pumping sessions just fine, just minutes before the call wraps my co-worker says "someone might want to mute their phone as there are STRANGE NOISES."

Don't really know how to wrap up the. longest. post. ever.

except to say that motherhood is many, many things and one of them is hard.

and it's good to be honest.

Bright + Merry

Nora wanted to wish you a very bright and merry holiday season. And there's nothing that says happy holidays more than a nekid babe!!

Time is flying by as this kid is just about six months old. SIX months!!! And I am surely biased, but this is an amazing little baby - she's rolling, sitting for a bit before the inevitable topple, holding her own bottle, giggling (oh, how I love the giggling), eating all manner of fruits and veggies, completely enamoured with our two pups, just the bees knees really.

I only wish that we got to spend more time together (damn you career) and well, that maybe she didn't have so many diaper leaks (damn you sweet potatoes).

Though the wheels continue to turn on alternative employment possibilities . . .

mmm, avocado

long time, no post

It's been a while since I've been back here. I suppose that sometime during pregnancy my need to vent/share/release faded and so did my posting. I kept wanting to update this space, but was never able to figure out what to share.

But, rest assured, we are a happy little family of three

(or five with pups)

Maybe I'm finding myself back here tonight because, aside from the fact that we are still trying to find a babysitter, I am just shy of returning to work. It's making me all sorts of out of sorts.

I kind of suspected that I wouldn't exactly be thrilled to return. I actually do like my job and it will be nice to get up, wear some proper clothes, talk to adults and little N is going to be in a fantastic place, BUT, I am just not ready.

Bah.

I have also been wrestling with part-time vs. full-time. I was nearly set on returning four days a week, but then I see my co-worker who is at the office (or on some conference call from home/playground/soccer game) nearly every Friday, certainly billing FT hours, but being compensated at a PT salary.

Double Bah.

I've gone back and forth and back and forth and decided to return full-time.

Bah. Bah. Bah.

I did, however, sign up for a adult ed. class to learn photoshop.

It's nice to be back!

sunshine

seriously now.

nearly four weeks

for what I'm lacking in words, I hope that I make up for in pictures

sweetness

Here's a better glimpse at our little lady. So far, things have been pretty dreamy. I will be sure to write more later, but right now having my mother and mother-in-law here are tuckering me out more than a newborn!

An introduction is in order

Let me please introduce you to Nora James.

She came into this world at 11:37 p.m. on June 12th, weighing a respectable 6 lbs 14.5 ounces.

We love her so much it hurts.

a favor

(via flickr)

I've said it before - this blog has been so wonderful to me. When we were struggling to start our family, it was such a necessary outlet and strong source of support. And after we were fortunate enough to move past that trying time, it has been a space to share such happiness.
So thank you.

and

I was hoping that I could impose on you once again . . .

I'm in the process of putting together a bit of a playlist to get me through labor and those first couple of sleepless weeks. A sort of soothing soundtrack for both me and the babe.

I could really use your help.

If you have any suggestions for songs I would welcome them with open arms!

thanks.

Full Term

A few days ago, we reached a milestone -- This babe is full term.

I cannot tell you how happy I am to have reached this point.

Now if we could only decide on a name.

lost it?

via (free people)

Despite the fact that this memorial weekend heat wave has brought about a downright frightening pair of cankles, I cannot stop lusting after these shoes.

Sanity where have you skipped off to . . .

behind

I feel like I am behind in everything.

Normally, it wouldn't bother me - there is always tomorrow.

but this bun is just about done baking and the behindedness is weighing on me.

I realize this feeling is mostly due to the fact that I have a mental list of *things to get done* that just keeps growing regardless of how many items get accomplished.

I'm going to have to just accept that we're never really going to be ready for our new arrival and that is alright.

We have gotten heaps done though like:

*Finishing the nursery but for some shelving and a seemingly elusive rug

*Painting our master bedroom gray (love it)

*Convincing my husband that we *needed* to sell our perfectly fine master bed on
craigslist and replace it with the absolutely amazing edlund poster bed from ikea
*Beginning the process of taming our jungle backyard

*Lots of other impressive stuff that is currently escaping me

Oh, and at week 36 (I'm behind on the belly shots) the dilation and effacing has begun. Though, I'm convinced that I'll still be puttering about very much pregnant at week 41.

is that a torpedo in your belly . . .

newest corner of my home

Last weekend, I woke up early and came into the nursery. The light in the mornings is so soft and inviting. I sat in the rocker and tried to imagine what our lives will be like ever so soon

walls

Slowly, but surely we are making progress on where our babe will lay down her head. There was a time before I actually got pregnant, back when was blissfully ignorant to just how long it would take, when I used to day dream about decorating the nursery. I scouted blogs and magazines, stockpiling images and ideas. So many ideas. And then with each negative month after month, my hope faded, as did my enthusiasm for infant interior design.

A few weeks ago, and more than halfway through this pregnancy, I finally felt comfortable enough to get excited again.

This is really happening.

We bought a crib and then a dresser. Last weekend, my husband painted the walls. It's certainly still a work in progress, but I know at the end it's going to be such a perfect space.To help bring that space together, I've been sourcing some art.

Here's what I've decided on so far:

(the most precious baby animal prints from sharon montrose)

(an amazing mobile from Flensted)
(a beatiful print from Rifle Paper Co. I bought thank yous in the same design to use after my shower and asked if I could get the design in a larger format for the nursery. Indeed I could)

(clementine print from Jamie Shelman)

(alphabet cards in the loveliest colors from Ida Pearle)